The lessons are covering:
What you need to know about manipulation
1: Basic Principles. (8 minutes presentation) What is exactly emotional manipulation? What does it mean that this is a double base communication. You will understand why it is so hard to reveal the real content of certain “messages”. How they induce guilt shame and anxiety, what are the “arbitrary rules” they refer to. What is the emotional toll of manipulation. Short list of ”DO”-s and “DON’T”-s.
2: The Manipulator: (8 minutes presentation) I’ll overlook the common characteristics that manipulators have. I have some words about the common personality types which you often find among them. I reveal the 9 common games that manipulators play; like “Victim Game”, “One-Upmanship Expert”, “Dependent in Charge”, “Iron Fist”, “Divide and Conquer”, “Best Defense is Offence”, “Flirt”, “Intentional Mis-Interpretation”, and the mixed games.
3: Dirty Tactics. (11 minutes presentation) This is the time to go into the details,You will get a long list of the dirty tactics they use to get you do what they want. E.g; guilt trip, silent treatment, attacking Self-Esteem, constant badgering, smoke screen, and lots of others.
4: My Vulnerabilities ( 12 minutes presentation) The list of personality traits that attract manipulators because they are telltale signs of easy exploitation. Our unfulfilled needs that motivate us to run into certain relationship if their fulfillment is promised or stick with controlling relationship in the false hope that our unfulfilled needs will be fulfilled.
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What you need to do against manipulation
Resistance Tactic 1: Buying Time. (5 minutes presentation) The goal of the resistance tactics, the action plan, and the first step: Buying Time. Resisting the demand to give the “right answer” and “do the right thing” immediately. Gaining time for yourself to think through what’s happening, what’s the tactic and what will be your different response to the pressurizing situation.
Resistance Tactic 2: Disregard Emotions. (4 minutes presentation) When you realize that the guilt, shame anxiety is “not yours” but it was imposed on you for a reason, you can, even have to disengage. With understanding and with emotion desensitization you can get rid of the painful, destructive emotions, or at least you can withstand them without jumping to action to eliminate them.
Resistance Tactic 3: Broken Record and other Non-Defensive Communication Techniques ( 7 minutes presentation) In case of criticism most of us jumps into the defense mode and argues, proves the other party wrong or brings up excuses. This behavior is only oil to the fire: it escalates small disagreements in to a full blown fight. Keeping cool and repeat your wants in calm assertive way as many time as necessary is one of the best way of getting it. There are other non-defensive tactics which take out the wind from the other party’s sail. We have a look at them as well.
Resistance Tactic 4: Make Yourself a Hardened Target (6 minutes presentation) We go through point by point what you can do if you discovered that one or another “dangerous” personality trait – regarding manipulation – is typical of you. I have some words about the unfulfilled needs as well.
Resistance Tactic 5: Naming and Blocking Manipulation (4 minutes presentation) For the last day we ran out of the “Know How” and focus on the 2 most important Resistance Tactics. For now you know very well what are the emotions the manipulator imposes on you and you see clearly what are the actions s/he wants you to make. Now you learn what you need to tell when you recognize someone is manipulating you, and what you need to tell to block manipulation. We combine them to create bulletproof strategies.
Resistance Tactic 6: Set Your Terms (4 minutes presentations) Manipulation is all about what s/he wants. Here is the time to stand up for your needs and wants. Create boundaries, represent that negotiation is always possible, compromise. What can you expect? Choose you battles, listen to the manipulator’s responses and decide what level of change is satisfactory for you. CAUTION WITH PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE MANIPULATORS!