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If you have bad opinion about
yourself, if you don't believe in your
ability to go ahead with your life and
get along with people, it can make
your world really desperate. This
itself can prevent you from
achieving, or get engage in
relationship even if otherwise you
would be perfect in the situation. Not
to mention how painful it can be
when you put yourself down.
But our self-esteem is shapeable; there is always possibility to improve. You just need your best intention and firm decision to invest in yourself, some persistence and before long, you can look into a confident face in the mirror.
Don't postpone! You deserve it!
Begin now with checking this guidance: HOW!
I am quite sure that you can accept best result if you understand the reason of a problem, and then figure out the solution! In this writing I lead you through some of the reason which can lead to low self-esteem, and then I show you some exercise how to recreate it!
REASONS
Reason No1
When children are born they don't have any idea who they are or how they look like or how they're functioning. They see the world with their parents' eyes. If the parents provide them with positive feedback, unconditional love and encourage them to believe in themselves, children shape a self-image according to their parents' opinion. Without putting the blame on anyone, we have to admit that sometimes parents have their own limits, their communication about the baby is charged with other problems, they are stressed out, or they simply believe that they do the best with correcting or criticizing their child. In these cases the children's self-esteem become lower.
Reason No2
Because of low self-esteem people may be quite withdrawn, they may fear failure and because of that they avoid activities, which can help them building up self-esteem through small achievements. Is this you?
Reason No3
Some people can be in the mistake of "half glass water". Do you know this famous story? If there is a half glass of water on the table, some people see half glass of water, some other see the glass half empty. The question is what part you are focusing on! If you are thinking about yourself; do you tend to notice the negative or missing characteristics, or do you see what you achieved, what good you made, what joy did you cause and so on? - People with low self-esteem habitually concentrating on their negative characteristics, and neglect their positive side. I have good news for you! All three mistakes can be corrected, even the first one which didn't depend on you! Let's see some possibilities what you can do for improving your self esteem!
CORRECTIONS CORRECTING CHILDHOOD NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES
With negative parental feedback generally: If you have childhood experiences when your important care givers didn't show their appreciation and belief in you; today you need to look for those experiences that can correct and create your own belief in yourself. You are adult now; your ego state is way more developed than it was in your childhood. You are in the position of recreating your own belief system. Look for places, people and situations where you can transform the negative evaluations to positive. For example:
But our self-esteem is shapeable; there is always possibility to improve. You just need your best intention and firm decision to invest in yourself, some persistence and before long, you can look into a confident face in the mirror.
Don't postpone! You deserve it!
Begin now with checking this guidance: HOW!
I am quite sure that you can accept best result if you understand the reason of a problem, and then figure out the solution! In this writing I lead you through some of the reason which can lead to low self-esteem, and then I show you some exercise how to recreate it!
REASONS
Reason No1
When children are born they don't have any idea who they are or how they look like or how they're functioning. They see the world with their parents' eyes. If the parents provide them with positive feedback, unconditional love and encourage them to believe in themselves, children shape a self-image according to their parents' opinion. Without putting the blame on anyone, we have to admit that sometimes parents have their own limits, their communication about the baby is charged with other problems, they are stressed out, or they simply believe that they do the best with correcting or criticizing their child. In these cases the children's self-esteem become lower.
Reason No2
Because of low self-esteem people may be quite withdrawn, they may fear failure and because of that they avoid activities, which can help them building up self-esteem through small achievements. Is this you?
Reason No3
Some people can be in the mistake of "half glass water". Do you know this famous story? If there is a half glass of water on the table, some people see half glass of water, some other see the glass half empty. The question is what part you are focusing on! If you are thinking about yourself; do you tend to notice the negative or missing characteristics, or do you see what you achieved, what good you made, what joy did you cause and so on? - People with low self-esteem habitually concentrating on their negative characteristics, and neglect their positive side. I have good news for you! All three mistakes can be corrected, even the first one which didn't depend on you! Let's see some possibilities what you can do for improving your self esteem!
CORRECTIONS CORRECTING CHILDHOOD NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES
With negative parental feedback generally: If you have childhood experiences when your important care givers didn't show their appreciation and belief in you; today you need to look for those experiences that can correct and create your own belief in yourself. You are adult now; your ego state is way more developed than it was in your childhood. You are in the position of recreating your own belief system. Look for places, people and situations where you can transform the negative evaluations to positive. For example:
Booster No 8:
COLLECT COMPLIMENTS
Accept compliments! Don't make them smaller like: "Oh, this is an old piece!" or: "The work is OK, but look at the mess I've done!" Just say thank you, and accept a nice note with full heart. It aimed to make you feel good, so: Feel good!
Booster No 9:
ASK FOR POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Ask your friends what they like best in you! Value the feed back in full weight.
Booster No 10:
ANTY-PERFECTION CAMPAIGN
Think about perfection. Do you think you are worthy only when you are perfect? Think again! None of us are perfect! Not even the people who expected you to be perfect! Our worth lies in our uniqueness. No other creature on the Earth is the same like you, has the same eye color, and has the same feelings, thoughts and values like you. This completely different set of physical and psychological characteristics gives you unique worth.
EXTRA:GROUP EXERCISES Usually these games are played in Psychotherapy Groups, which means that there is a strong authority figure: the therapist. She or he is very strict about protecting any group member from any harm. In these practices the members allow to share only positive characteristics, they are not allowed criticizing, doubting, quarreling and putting down anyone or practice any kind of negative interaction.
Sometimes group members need strong encouragement to complete the assignment, because our cultural upraising often acts against open self compliment. However, after the exercise everyone experience a surprising amount of appreciation, contentment, joy even gratefulness to the others, who gave them the feeling. It definitely elevates the self esteem.
If you have a good, trustworthy, understanding circle of friends and a strong fair leader, you can try these exercises. If you don't, better not risk the feeling of hurt or putting down. (Or sign up for Psychotherapy Group!)
Self-Compliment Exercise First of all: every group member need to write a "List of Self Compliment" like you read at point 1. Exceptionally none have to be considerate to the members, and have to write as long list as they can. Then one by one the members need to stand before the rest of the group and read the list aloud. The audience must be very respectful, patience with the long list, and has to applause at the end of the reading even if they don't agree. It is hard to make, but the reader has to stand before the group until they finish clasping. Do it in turns. Everybody has to have his/her turn! No withdrawal, no annulations! Bear your appreciation with pride!
Compliment each other. The group sits in circle. One member draws his/her chair in front of the group members, sits down before them, and says one compliments for them like: "I like your hairstyle." Or: "I like how you smile." Or: "It felt very good when you helped me out..." - Yes, there will be members to whom it's easy to say some good thing, and there will be some harder. But come on! You can find out something nice even to the most unsympathetic figure too. (E.g. A fancy glasses frame or something.)
Back to top
COLLECT COMPLIMENTS
Accept compliments! Don't make them smaller like: "Oh, this is an old piece!" or: "The work is OK, but look at the mess I've done!" Just say thank you, and accept a nice note with full heart. It aimed to make you feel good, so: Feel good!
Booster No 9:
ASK FOR POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Ask your friends what they like best in you! Value the feed back in full weight.
Booster No 10:
ANTY-PERFECTION CAMPAIGN
Think about perfection. Do you think you are worthy only when you are perfect? Think again! None of us are perfect! Not even the people who expected you to be perfect! Our worth lies in our uniqueness. No other creature on the Earth is the same like you, has the same eye color, and has the same feelings, thoughts and values like you. This completely different set of physical and psychological characteristics gives you unique worth.
EXTRA:GROUP EXERCISES Usually these games are played in Psychotherapy Groups, which means that there is a strong authority figure: the therapist. She or he is very strict about protecting any group member from any harm. In these practices the members allow to share only positive characteristics, they are not allowed criticizing, doubting, quarreling and putting down anyone or practice any kind of negative interaction.
Sometimes group members need strong encouragement to complete the assignment, because our cultural upraising often acts against open self compliment. However, after the exercise everyone experience a surprising amount of appreciation, contentment, joy even gratefulness to the others, who gave them the feeling. It definitely elevates the self esteem.
If you have a good, trustworthy, understanding circle of friends and a strong fair leader, you can try these exercises. If you don't, better not risk the feeling of hurt or putting down. (Or sign up for Psychotherapy Group!)
Self-Compliment Exercise First of all: every group member need to write a "List of Self Compliment" like you read at point 1. Exceptionally none have to be considerate to the members, and have to write as long list as they can. Then one by one the members need to stand before the rest of the group and read the list aloud. The audience must be very respectful, patience with the long list, and has to applause at the end of the reading even if they don't agree. It is hard to make, but the reader has to stand before the group until they finish clasping. Do it in turns. Everybody has to have his/her turn! No withdrawal, no annulations! Bear your appreciation with pride!
Compliment each other. The group sits in circle. One member draws his/her chair in front of the group members, sits down before them, and says one compliments for them like: "I like your hairstyle." Or: "I like how you smile." Or: "It felt very good when you helped me out..." - Yes, there will be members to whom it's easy to say some good thing, and there will be some harder. But come on! You can find out something nice even to the most unsympathetic figure too. (E.g. A fancy glasses frame or something.)
Back to top
Track your development!
Acknowledge the least improvement!
Praise, and be proud of yourself!
Although it is important to be
persistent, don't use the possible
faults, mistakes, missed trainings
against yourself! You cannot say to
yourself, that you're a "lazy pig" just
because you couldn't follow your
original schedule! Show
understanding to yourself, as you
need to be understanding to your
relatives and friends too! Learn from
your mistake, acknowledge how bad
it feels to miss an assignment, and do
it next time with full heart! Exercise!
It is easy to see how it can help
building self-esteem. First; physical
activity helps to break down stress
hormones and release chemicals in
the brain that cause euphoria. If you
feel great after sport activity, this is
why. Second; it can be one of the
activity what you praise yourself,
and can be proud of accomplishing it.
Third; regular exercise will do a lot
with your body, so you can be more
self-confident with a better,
healthier body. You've probably
experienced how closely attached
our body image to our self-esteem.
Boost one of them a little bit, and the
other will follow! Warning! Balance is
very important! If your body is not
perfectly thin, strong, and
proportionate or you have body type
that you are not 100 % satisfied, still
you can like it! It is not just the
prettiness what counts. My friend's
mom always said: "The good leg is
what doesn't hurt!" Your body serves
you very well most of the time! Your
body can give you pleasure!
Appreciate with full awareness how
your body serves you! Even if you
suffer from some illness, I am sure
you will find areas of functioning
what you can be CORRECTING
NEGATIVE THINKING
Booster No 5:
THOUGHT CLEANING
I want you to realize how much time and attention you waste for negative thoughts, and/or self talk. How much you judge yourself, label yourself, call name yourself and criticize yourself. What would you say to a stranger if she or he said those to you? You can reject them if they come from you too! From now on this is strictly forbidden. If you catch yourself doing it, say: "Delete!" as you would delete a mistaken entry from your computer. (However, if you made a mistake you can admit it without guilt and shame, just neutrally detect it and work out a solution to undo, or make it right, or learn from it to the next occasion!)
Negative thoughts have a habit of returning, don't be angry with them or yourself, just send them away or "Delete" them. There is no more derogatory comment allowed! Focus on positive thoughts. Looking for positive actions from you part as well as from others, and praise them.
Booster No 6:
LIST OF "GOOD AT"
Pick a sheet of paper, and write down: What are the things in what you are good at, from the smallest to the biggest? Be specific! (Cooking special food, running short/long distances, making nice hair, knowing all home runs of your favorite team.) Make as long list as you can, even longer! No irony, no sarcasm!
Booster No 7:
RECORD POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Tune for the positive feedback from friends, colleagues, and acquaintances! Pay attention to what they like in you and what nice they tell about you! Don't criticize; don't label any as lie, don't doubt, just detect them. Best if you write them down, put it in a safe place, and when you feel doubt about yourself, you can read them again and again!
Booster No 5:
THOUGHT CLEANING
I want you to realize how much time and attention you waste for negative thoughts, and/or self talk. How much you judge yourself, label yourself, call name yourself and criticize yourself. What would you say to a stranger if she or he said those to you? You can reject them if they come from you too! From now on this is strictly forbidden. If you catch yourself doing it, say: "Delete!" as you would delete a mistaken entry from your computer. (However, if you made a mistake you can admit it without guilt and shame, just neutrally detect it and work out a solution to undo, or make it right, or learn from it to the next occasion!)
Negative thoughts have a habit of returning, don't be angry with them or yourself, just send them away or "Delete" them. There is no more derogatory comment allowed! Focus on positive thoughts. Looking for positive actions from you part as well as from others, and praise them.
Booster No 6:
LIST OF "GOOD AT"
Pick a sheet of paper, and write down: What are the things in what you are good at, from the smallest to the biggest? Be specific! (Cooking special food, running short/long distances, making nice hair, knowing all home runs of your favorite team.) Make as long list as you can, even longer! No irony, no sarcasm!
Booster No 7:
RECORD POSITIVE FEEDBACK
Tune for the positive feedback from friends, colleagues, and acquaintances! Pay attention to what they like in you and what nice they tell about you! Don't criticize; don't label any as lie, don't doubt, just detect them. Best if you write them down, put it in a safe place, and when you feel doubt about yourself, you can read them again and again!
10 BOOSTERS FOR MAKING IT HIGHER
3 REASONS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
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Or send an Email!
(425) 280 2643
Or send an Email!
Booster No1:
SEPARATE OPINIONS
Evaluate what your mother, father, grand parents thought about you when you were child! What was their opinion about you? What credit did they give to you? What did they think about your future? What did they think about your physical ability and appearance, about your intellect and about your social skills? When you are clear about their opinion, separate them from yours! In which part do you agree and in which part do you argue with them? If you have people around you who like to focus on negative things, or who are overly critical to you, separate your opinion from theirs! State your own opinion about yourself! Look for the positive side or positive part, praise and encourage yourself. If you find failure or mistake unavoidably, don't judge or evaluate yourself! Think about it neutrally and use as a learning process: "Next time I do it differently."
Booster No2:
LOVING MEMORY EXERCISE
In deep relaxing state of mind imagine one or more of your relevant adult figure around you from your childhood. Pick one memory when they expressed their appreciation and love. Spend time in with this memory and try to soak the positive feelings of it.
Booster No3:
"INNER CHILD EXERCISES"
Psychologist call "inner child" the person who we were in our childhood. This person didn't disappear, she or he lives inside us as our past, our memories, it shaped the person who we became and she or he owns our present childish characteristic. (Childish it not negative here!) We can personalize him or her in the present, and in our imagination we can treat that child as we think is desired and helpful. With inner child work it is possible to replace the missing points: encouragement, acknowledgment, appreciation and heal the emotional wounds. I am working on some instructions in this topic, please come back soon, a couple of week and you can find here one free!
PRACTICING JOYFUL ACTIVITIES
Booster No4:
PERSISTENTLY PRACTICE WHAT YOU LIKE
I guess you're fed up with advice like: "You should do this, you should do that!" - Me too! Don't worry I don't want to get you to do anything you don't enjoy! Actually: this is the main point! Enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, and stop being overly critic about yourself. But it comes later. Building up self-esteem goes by step by step in small portions. If your family of origin didn't start you with terrific confidence, you have to develop it by small achievements one by one. I want you to choose one or two activities what you are good at. It can be any kind of sport, it can be cooking something good for your friends or it can be collecting new information through the web about your favorite band or learning a new instrument or studying or exercising. Doesn't matter what it is, you need to do it regularly. As you do it regularly; you will see that you are better and better in it. You grow stronger and prettier (handsomer), you'll be the expert about that band among your friends; you'll be the most reliable neighbor, best cook or best student in ancient Sanskrit literature. grateful for.
Back to top
SEPARATE OPINIONS
Evaluate what your mother, father, grand parents thought about you when you were child! What was their opinion about you? What credit did they give to you? What did they think about your future? What did they think about your physical ability and appearance, about your intellect and about your social skills? When you are clear about their opinion, separate them from yours! In which part do you agree and in which part do you argue with them? If you have people around you who like to focus on negative things, or who are overly critical to you, separate your opinion from theirs! State your own opinion about yourself! Look for the positive side or positive part, praise and encourage yourself. If you find failure or mistake unavoidably, don't judge or evaluate yourself! Think about it neutrally and use as a learning process: "Next time I do it differently."
Booster No2:
LOVING MEMORY EXERCISE
In deep relaxing state of mind imagine one or more of your relevant adult figure around you from your childhood. Pick one memory when they expressed their appreciation and love. Spend time in with this memory and try to soak the positive feelings of it.
Booster No3:
"INNER CHILD EXERCISES"
Psychologist call "inner child" the person who we were in our childhood. This person didn't disappear, she or he lives inside us as our past, our memories, it shaped the person who we became and she or he owns our present childish characteristic. (Childish it not negative here!) We can personalize him or her in the present, and in our imagination we can treat that child as we think is desired and helpful. With inner child work it is possible to replace the missing points: encouragement, acknowledgment, appreciation and heal the emotional wounds. I am working on some instructions in this topic, please come back soon, a couple of week and you can find here one free!
PRACTICING JOYFUL ACTIVITIES
Booster No4:
PERSISTENTLY PRACTICE WHAT YOU LIKE
I guess you're fed up with advice like: "You should do this, you should do that!" - Me too! Don't worry I don't want to get you to do anything you don't enjoy! Actually: this is the main point! Enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, and stop being overly critic about yourself. But it comes later. Building up self-esteem goes by step by step in small portions. If your family of origin didn't start you with terrific confidence, you have to develop it by small achievements one by one. I want you to choose one or two activities what you are good at. It can be any kind of sport, it can be cooking something good for your friends or it can be collecting new information through the web about your favorite band or learning a new instrument or studying or exercising. Doesn't matter what it is, you need to do it regularly. As you do it regularly; you will see that you are better and better in it. You grow stronger and prettier (handsomer), you'll be the expert about that band among your friends; you'll be the most reliable neighbor, best cook or best student in ancient Sanskrit literature. grateful for.
Back to top
Other Self Help Tips: Quick Self Help, Manipulation
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Zita Fekete
in Mukilteo WA
on the Internet
on Skype
on the Internet
on Skype
How to deal with Emotional Manipulation?
GROUP THERAPY
Replacing Confusion with Confidence
Copyright © 2011
Evening and Weekend
appointments are available.
Office
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
More Options to work with me:
"Discovering ME!" Online Program
"Wise Love" Online Program
"From Strings To Wings" Training
"Discovering ME!" Online Program
"Wise Love" Online Program
"From Strings To Wings" Training
Specialties:
Emotional Manipulation
Abortion
Culture Shock
Relationship Issues
Emotional Manipulation
Abortion
Culture Shock
Relationship Issues
Scientific Background:
C. G. Jung Theory
Human Ethology
C. G. Jung Theory
Human Ethology