Scared of being left alone?

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Divorce Thoughts

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After divorce

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Zita Fekete MA Therapist in Mukilteo Therapist
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Is this question causing you some pain right now? You didn't think it would be so hard to decide, did you? Sure, no one thinks that the "Happily Ever After" works in real life but still...

You have never thought that you could feel alone inside a relationship; and that it's way harder than just being alone.

You've just never thought that this sweet, charming person who you fell love with could become such an angry, hostile being.

"What went wrong?" - You wonder. "Who's to blame?"

Maybe this is the worst part: feeling like failing in something, as if you're not good enough. You may feel isolated, afraid if you share your disappointment with someone they would judge you.

You might feel stuck in your situation.

Hundreds of times you've tried to change it, but it just led to fighting and hurting each other.

Considering divorce may bring overwhelming fear:
"Would I be all alone?"
"Would I be able to support myself?" "Could I find another partner or do I have to live my entire life alone?"

You're worried that any direction you move you would regret, so you stay frozen.

I'm sure you would give half of your soul to the devil if you could be sure to come out of this misery. What would move you out from this hopeless state of mind?
What if I say: Let's understand better what's happened, starting with questions like:
How did it begin?
What did you like about each other?
How did you get along, when you got along well? Did it change according to one particular event, or gradually?
What are your main values?
Do you and your partner's values match?
What are your rules? Are they matching?
How can you communicate them?
What's happening when you don't agree?
How do you handle arguments?
Who is the boss in the different parts of life?
...and so on...

Let's go through every important part of your relationship, and try to figure out what is the cause of the problem.
Are your main value systems different?
Are your expectations for each other clear?
Can you, do you want to meet each other's needs?
Is your communication effective?

Let's find out whether your differences can be solved, or not. I recommend that you think about whether you want to work on this alone, or if you can get your partner to contribute to find a better way of life.

Or, if you conclude that you better leave the relationship, let me support you to find your new confidence, new path, a new independence, shape a new you! See? It is not as hard as it seemed before?!

I can help you!
Should I stay or should I go?
See also: Culture Shock, After Abortion, Manipualtion
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Zita Fekete
Replacing Confusion with Confidence
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